I love to talk, and to sing along with the radio and to laugh out loud. I love banter with my colleagues and family and deep reflective conversations too. But I’ve been muted!! I’ve come down with laryngitis and it’s driving me insane! I literally have nothing, not even a croak!! Suddenly I realised how often I use my voice, to remind the dog to get off the furniture or to stop barking insanely, to call the chickens home, to yell for help when there’s a huntsman spider on the wall, to let the family know dinner’s ready, to laugh out loud at a TV show, to order take away on the ‘phone, to thank someone for their customer service or to ask for assistance in a shop, to greet an old friend and show the joy I’m feeling at seeing them again, to tell my husband I love him, my daughter I miss her and my son to travel home safely to me. Take care of your vocal cords- it’s a lonely place while they’re on the blink!
After fairly hopeful news from the oncologist we went to what we were sure was the last appointment with the surgeon who removed mum’s melanoma. What a downer!! Firstly the registrar had no idea what was going on with the oncologist and asked inane questions about whether or not mum was going to have chemo, a decision we will be making next week with the oncologist. Then the surgeon comes in, clearly so underprepared and garbling: saying the exact opposite to the oncologist ” I feel so sorry for you, so much uncertainty, chemo doesn’t work for melanoma, you could be dead in few months, no point making any plans really blah blah blah” Mum was devastated and I was furious. Bloody clownl!
Had a bit of a check up last week, and left with a referral for an ultrasound of my kidneys, bladder and gall bladder plus a bowel test kit!! Mind you Dad died of kidney cancer and with Mum’s recent diagnosis I’m happy to have every screening procedure out there! Reminds me of what a lucky country Australia is though, none of this cost me a cent and so far none of Mum’s stuff has either – and she has another CT this week and an MRI next week. I wish someone had been just checking her skin a bit earlier though- could have saved a lot of procedures, a lot of angst and a lot of Mum.
The thing about cancer and all its trimmings is the lack of control- little or no control over appointment times, availability of treatment, rollercoaster emotions, the reactions of others etc.The thing about work is the exact opposite- so much control. I am a primary school principal and returned to my fabulous school today after some long service leave. My leadership style is very inclusive however I did relish in my ability to make decisions today, to have so many easy to solve problems and to be able to make people happy. Work- the polar opposite of dealing with cancer!
We’re home. It was 6•c when we landed last night, it’s about 12•c now! Certainly appreciating the 8 days we had of perfect sunny days with temperatures of 30+ .The dogs were wrapt to see us, our son was out and our daughter won’t be home until next weekend, but we’re here and happy. I love Port Douglas . We booked next years trip before we left but of course we don’t know with an certainty what this coming year holds and wether we’ll be able to go. But it’s good to have something positive booked to look forward to. So for now it’s back to it- gym, groceries, washing and catching up with mum. No matter the weather life goes on😄